Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sometimes I wonder...

Well since today I did not have to work I had way too much time to think. I began all that what if? kind of thinking that I sometimes do when I have downtime. This time I was watching some hockey videos on youtube (yes guilty as charged for youtubing) and I began to miss it. I am still wondering what it would have been like if I played this year in San Antonio. Its way too late to do anything about it now but I still think about it a lot. I am too old now to play unless I play for a college and since I decided to go to an art school they don't have a hockey team.

I think what I miss most was the fact that my life had something to center itself around. My year I spent playing juniors was probably the best year of my life. I mean I dropped everything in my life and moved to Illinois. Peoria was not a great town but I mean I made the best of it. I loved the family I lived with(well the second family) and the team was awsome. I miss just chilling in the locker room with 20-25 guys that you spent everyday with. I miss getting on the bus for a 8-10 hour road trip and just shooting the breeze sleeping and even playing pranks. The living out of hotels was also awsome. Playing in different cities from weekend to weekend, I mean I have seen half of the Unites States because of hockey. I miss skating and playing everyday. I played for 15 years before I finally gave it up and I am still stuck with this what if feeling.

Now I am lucky to get to skate once a month and when I do skate I am just goofing off. My heart still loves the game but I was not going anywhere with it. I wish I shared that passion with everything else in my life but I haven't really found that thing yet. I mean I love photography but I am still not quite as passionate about it as I was hockey. That passion for photography is growing though. I guess it goes with the old cliche saying Out with the Old and in with the new.

Basically all this blabbering about nothing is just me missing hockey. I mean it makes me realize I have to not take anything foregranted while I have it. I took hockey foregranted for all the years I played and now it is gone and I wish I could go back and put that much more effort in to it. Those days ended and that door closed but now new doors are opening and new days are ready for the taking.

If you read this I am sorry I wasted your time but it is just me ranting and writing to get my feelings off my chest. Good night.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Random thoughts.

I believe we all have invisible strings. Those strings keep us bound to everything we call our life. Friends, family, jobs and even the cities we live in are strings attached to us. My strings used to be strong but slowly they are breaking or growing weak. As I see it in my mind I'm in an empty room surrounded by four walls. One wall has a door that looks oh so inviting. The light in the room is shining directly on the door while the rest of the room is dim. The strings have me tied to the wall directly across from the door. Day by day the strings get weaker and weaker and I keep inching closer to that door. This city I live in has treated me well but sometimes I get bored with it. The city has history and fame but I feel like I do not want to make my history here. I feel like my dreams are growing to big for this small place. I've talked about leaving but until now the strings have been too strong but right now the door seems to be calling my name more and more lately. There is more distance between me and my friends lately and everything that used to keep me so tied to where I am in life is slowly slipping and fading away. I don't know when but someday that door will be within my reach. That's when decision time will come but for now I am not ready for it. For most of you who know me know that I am a dream chaser. I will chase my dreams until I achieve them.

In other random things I have not been doing much on my two weeks off. I am still continuously working myself to death at the orange hell known as Home Depot but I can not complain because I have a job. Tomorrow begins the second week of my spring break and I have not done anything exciting...hopefully that will turn around sometime soon. That's all for now. Have a good night.